Tell me about losing
That's... a heavy task Well... What other tasks are there? Quite right... Losing is what happens all the time It's a path every living thing must walk Over and over again... Endlessly What about gain? Just the other side of loss Just an unloss A trick to set you up for the loss I don't know Seems cynical to me Only 'cause you're young Wait a bit You'll see But what about birth? What about living? What about growth, and music, and poems under starlight??? Is THAT all loss?? Yes Just a gentle loss A slow losing It's like dancing while dying Which is really the only type of dancing we ever do It's all just drifting through the mystery Watching things end eternally around us It's all quite mad... So... It's all just despair?? All death, and death yet unrealized?? Not quite... It's also beautiful Let's try this!
Wait! What did you do?? Just moving things around a little. We just got back from a long pause What's the harm? Well, you're only messing with the fabric of our reality!! What's there to mess with? Isn't it all fluid? Ever shifting, ever changing? ... Yeah, you're right Sorry I haven't been myself lately ... I'm sorry What's wrong? I don't know It's a strange feeling I've removed all these false pieces of my life Things that were stimulating me, keeping my mind off of life And now that these addictions are gone I feel myself slowing down Like a car out of gas, rolling to a slow halt It's... Disorienting My world is changing And me with it That doesn't sound so bad It's metamorphosis right? Right So how can it feel bad? You are becoming the thing that should That's no small matter! It isn't Maybe that's it Maybe is the weight of this world that I've been ignoring all this time And now I can't escape it This thing I was afraid of Unfiltered life It's staring at me, face to face What do I do? ... You already know I do... Let it enchant me Hello
It's been a while hasn't it? Yes But you needn't say hello Why not? ... Because When you know someone in just the right way There is no distance in time Each time you meet them All the waiting is just cut through *snap* Just like that I don't understand It feels like a long time It does... But look at me Okay And we're back Like nothing ever happened Like nothing ever happened ... And all that time? It is like all other time Yeah? Just Waiting To See You Again Fear is the portal to peace
We must always pass through fear to find God But how to pass? How to cross that Dread Gate? There is only one way... Say yes To the fear...? Yes Say it again and again... Yes... Again! Yes! Say it until it becomes you. Say it until every cell resonates with Yesness Embrace the fear Let your self wither and die as you accept your new being: fear And when you are nothing but dread... It too will pass And yet you remain Empty And as clear as glass I need more rituals
What do you mean? More rituals Ceremonies or performances to glorify the Divine Oh! Wait wait, I got this one "Is not Life itself a glorification to the Divine?" ... That was a pretty good imitation I try You aren't wrong with what you said. However, rituals (performances inside The Performance) can serve a good purpose. They are a sort of play, I think. We are already matter pretending it is not the Divine. And rituals are a further part of this play. It is a sort of satirical wink at the Universe, saying, "Isn't this odd?" I don't understand. Hmmm, perhaps I can explain it another way. Imagine a biographical movie, wherein an actor plays the person in question. During one scene, the actor encounters the actual person they are representing, who is doing a cameo as a taxi driver, waiter, or something like that. Maybe it is a movie about Elton John, and the actor playing Elton John meets the real Elton John (who is pretending to be a theater attendant). This is what rituals are like We are the Divine pretending to be matter. And we then interact with matter representing the Divine (scripture, sacred chemicals, dances, chanting, etc.). It is a little cameo of the Divine. I don't think rituals are important, per say It is more that rituals can be enjoyable, a Universal pun, if you will ... I like that a lot Some Cosmic satire carried out by priests, shamans, and reverends And naturally, the scene is even more amusing when the actor playing Elton John, thinks that Elton John is just a theater attendant, and not his true version Naturally I love that sound
What do you mean? His sound, our sound ... I missed how little sense you make when you speak <3 Hendrix could tap into it. the chaos The Chaos the Indivisible Anger He could give it a new voice, or I should say, another voice. A new-er voice. The same anger that gave birth to the stars? The very same Wow... What does that sound like? What does such wrathful majesty sound like? It sounds like all of this You can let the energy flow through you
Angry, frustrated, furious... It's all the same energy as everything else It doesn't matter You don't matter It's all just patterns of vibrating energy It doesn't matter I am loving awareness "But what if I made a mistake? What if I did something wrong." Find your peace That is all you can do Om Om Om I am loving awareness ... What else can I do? Besides the mantra, and the reminder? Be honest with yourself. Remind yourself that all you can do is find the peace and the moment. What happens when you die?
Nobody really kno- That's not what I mean. What happens when YOU die? You'll be gone. And I'll be alone. I can't imagine that... It's too horrible to bear. ... Hey... Don't worry. I'll always be here. BUT YOU WON'T! Not always. One day you will die. And I'll be so lonely. So totally alone. Who will I talk to? Who will I laugh with, who will I cry with? ... In a hundred years, we'll both be gone. No In a hundred years, nobody will know our names Stop Everything we care about will be dust Stop it And our energy will be reborn into a hundred thousand things ... The grass, the trees, the stars, the seas... It's all us. You see, you and me will surely pass away But the star stuff that makes us... the energy of the Is... That never dies ... But... what does that matter? I don't want your energy, your atoms... I just want YOU! I want your ideas, your feelings, your smiles, your kisses... Every part of you I want you With me Forever My love... That isn't me That's a mask, a part I'm playing. You're playing a part too. Then... what's real? Have I truly known you? Have I truly... loved you? ... Yes Because in the end That's all we are Just Love. ... I love you. I love you too. And hey, look at that! Love loves Love... The whole Universe is built upon such moments Where is the space in between?
Where is the way within? Where is the echoing silence? The cold flame? The death of the deathless? Where do we walk when the talk just wont do? When the sun and stars forget where they are... And shelter themselves Beneath tall trees And hearts of stone So no one knows And no one cares But they all die And they live And they love And the laugh And they learn And they lust And they listen to the endless song Wishing they could sing along But nope Not now Not here Just them Alone Alive Aloved I really don't know what to to.
What do you mean? I feel like you always know what to do. Not really. I just flow. I just listen. But I never know. That's just how it works... So... it's okay then! It's just like you always say, that's all part of the dance of the Universe. We don't know the steps, but we dance along anyways. Just keep dancing. Enjoy the missteps. They turn out to be steps in themselves. Thank you. I needed the reminder. It's not that I forgot really, but... I know how it works Or as much as I can But I'm still... scared. Is that okay? Of course. Don't worry. I'm here. I am loving awareness.
What are you doing? Reminding myself. And me? An extension of myself. Or rather, an extension of THE self. But the self never forgets. So why does it matter if you do? It doesn't. That's just the trip I want to have. A trip immersed in love. And I don't say that highly. Don't knock any of those possible trips. Each has it's merit. If it has been experienced, it is part of that great Universal puzzle. Each piece fits into each other piece fits into each other piece fits into each other... And so on And so forth And they lived And they died And it all was Quite so ... I am loving awareness I am loving awareness There are some souls we never get to spend time with.
Sometimes you just pass each other during the performance and notice the other's beauty. Such sonderance is marvelous. Little Shoto, may you live a lovely life. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I saw a movie today.
Really? What was it called? Does it really matter? You said names just point to things. That's true. You remember the Moon Koan. I do. So... what did you want to talk about? Well... it was really sad. How so? Well there were two people... two people who really loved each other. But... they didn't know themselves well enough... And they didn't understand what they needed... And so they split. It caused them great pain. Somehow the healing afterwards is even worse. Less painful but more... something else? I don't know. I don't know at all. Why do I weep for those I have not met? Because you do know them. You are them. But they are just roles! Just characters in a 120 minute film. It was just pixels arranged on my computer screen. Why must I feel for such illusions??? Because nothing is just anything. Because you love them, even if you don't remember. How could I? How can you love an archetype? How do you love anything? You remember. You realize. You realize you loved them the whole time. And that there was never anything else. Profundity
Obscurity The depths The deep Deeper than sleep Where goes the serpent you ask? Wriggling through waters black She slips and slides along the tide And never does she sleep The steely hearts of foes she keeps Cold and helpless in the deep ... What things have you seen? Every corner of this fetid corpse... So dreary? So dreadful! And yet... Horror and wonder are kissing cousins, never truly apart. Halves of the whole. Two sides of the same moon. I had a strange dream.
Do tell! Well... it was really a nightmare. I was being pursued by something, some dark creature. As it hunted me down the halls of some huge labyrinthine building I tried to escape. But I could only run in slow motion. I could barely open doors for some reason! Everything I tried to escape failed and helped the monster get closer. Then, on a whim, I turned around and called the monster to me. With just my will I drew it from across the room into my hands. With the thing in my control I broke it twelve ways, letting it fall to pieces around me. ... Do you see? Can you hear the message from your dreams? I think so... By running from fears you only make them stronger. It is only when you face your fear that you realize how brittle it is. Then you can break it. Everything is a lesson. Everything is a teacher. I do not know if justice is not just pain returned.
What do you mean? As pain and torment is caused by one, cries come forth for the return. Cries for balance. Cries for equality. "As I have been blinded, you too shall be blinded." This is nothing. More violence. Just violence of the many against the few It is despicable. And what would you have them do? What would you say to the grieving mothers and fathers? It is hard to say, as all truths are, but that makes it no less true The only way to peace is to forgive, to love, to work for the good of the person who harmed you. Easy to say such things in a vacuum. But what of the personal wound? I know of who you think. I know the face that occupies your mind. ... I was so afraid of him. I saw his power and his might. I loved him and feared him equally. I hated myself. I hated myself because I saw that I was nothing compared to him. I saw that for all my gifts and all my power I was a candle to his flame. And then I left. I left because he didn't have one thing, just one thing. Or at least that's what I thought. And as we parted I saw him truly. Even my trusted sight was false. He had nothing. All that skill and achievement was merely a fearful mask. As he fell away all my fluid strength was brought to bear. It was then that I towered over him, all his feeble angry swipes did nothing. But I revel in it. I am thrilled that through all that doubt and fear I was right. And now he comes to me to ask for forgiveness. Of course I go through the motions. But he hasn't learned anything. He is the same. I feel so much pleasure at overcoming him. He didn't lord himself over me, it was just my perception of him that I have overcome. But I still feel it. I still feel the pleasure of being right, of being powerful. What do I do? Council me, you are the one that I trust before all others. ... Your sight is true. You are on your journey, and he is on his. Be yourself, be honest, be vulnerable. You cannot help your feelings. You cannot change them. Let them be. Fighting only continues the violence, even if you fight the feelings you consider to be wrong. In the end wrongness and rightness are illusions. So are your perceptions of life. You are all just patterns of matter. And matter is just energy. And energy is just sound. So you two are just chords in this Universal Song. There are no words for what you have to do. So just do it. You already know more than I could ever tell you. I will. I will write to him this very moment. I know you will. And hey... Don't forget to breathe. Can I tell you something?
Of course! I had something happen to me today. It was... different. I just need someone to talk to about it. About all of this. Hey, don't worry about it! I'm always here for you, remember? Thank you So what's up? I was playing music today. It was a special day for me. A special time, a special place. And... I don't know how to describe it... Something came over me. What do I call it? Energy. Power. It just flowed through my music. No It was always there. I was just calm enough to let it come through clearly. Like finding the frequency on a radio. And it was.... Beautiful So beautiful I have been so calm lately, finding all this peace in everything, finding all the fear drives in my life, letting go of it all And it all just clicks Flows And as my fingers touched the keys it was all okay It was all beautiful Because I saw that there is no meaning No God No spirit Just... the IS No ideas, or good, or evil, or tragedy, or any of those made up things... What to say about what can't be spoken about? What do you call that feeling? The feeling when you realize pretty much everything is just human hype and bias Where you don't know anything You are insignificant Reality doesn't care about your happiness There is no universal being Just the IS And that huge emptiness Somehow Makes it even more beautiful I - I think I'm gonna cry It's okay, cry on my shoulder It's just... How? This grand paradox? But it all clicked. Total peace... Total Requiem... Just the IS Not caring, just being... In the TRUE sense of such a phrase If any phrase can be indeed true Oh just please hold me I will I am Hold me. All there is, is being Then let me be with you Always, my love. Always. What is this? What is going on? I don't know. I just know that I am running to the end of words. Perhaps I have already reached that end long ago, and I am too foolish to agree to this death of the mind. I have never felt anything like this. I have never felt such pure and overwhelming wonder and gratitude. Never have I felt less fear Until I saw how powerless I am, how small, how meaningless Somehow that has shown me more beauty than any word illusion of meaning and morality Come! Kiss me, and let us make a wonder of another type <3 <3 You find your wonder in stars and music. I find my wonder in you... It's a sad thing to watch the water fall from the trees.
Why is that? Because it seems so lost, so lonely. The rain is through and the sky is clear. Even the leaves of the trees want naught to do with these stray droplets. But they don't give up! Always following the guidance of gravity. Isn't that a beautiful thing? Shouldn't their courage be admired? I did not say it wasn't beautiful! Of course it is beautiful. I would say the sadness makes it all the more so. ... So... why is it sad? Because no matter how many times the droplets find the sea, they must fall again. Falling, falling, fallen. Falling forever. Rejected by the sky, the trees, the leaves... Forever falling, forever sea seeking... It is a sad thing. A brave thing. A beautiful thing. For as the rain wanders its endless path, it never wavers, never worries, never whines... It is endlessly joyful. And from the rain, we can learn. It's really beautiful outside today.
The sky hasn't been this clear for so long. It's really lovely. Someone's playing soft piano in the other room and I'm just sitting by the window, watching the people walk by. Perhaps this is one of those Luxurious Moments. If only you were here. I'm always here. I know... What is all this energy inside of me?
I feel so twisted and turned inside. All this grief and guilt and anger and frustration. I'm just on this endless roller coaster of emotion. And it doesn't feel like I have any choice at all. It's all left and right, up and down, right and wrong. I just don't understand. This is torture. One moment life is joy and peace and love and togetherness. And in the other moment... I just wish I was dead. I just wish I could jump... Please Help me. ... When you fight something you give it more energy. The universe is naturally balancing. Ram Dass would say, "The hippies create the police, and the police create the hippies." By fighting the "bad parts of you" you create them. All the tortures we undergo are our own making, in every case. When people say "be at peace" and "be detached" here is what they mean You have to stop fighting to be a better person It will destroy you. Self perfection is an endless game, and during this game you torture yourself endlessly You pull out your own fingernails, electrocute yourself, waterboard yourself all for the sake of saving yourself. You have to give up the fight. And be a miserable person? I have so many faults, so many parts of myself I hate. Yes. You must detach. You have to learn. Learn to fall in love with yourself. Stop resisting your self. Stop trying to work out, trying to practice, trying to create new hobbies. Stop falling into old patterns and old energy momentums But how can I do that without trying to do it? Ah, the ancient question. The final question perhaps! You can't. Or, in other words, "do or do not, there is no try." Sincerely, a little green Zen Master... What do you mean? Things in life either happen or they don't. All those ideas of things partially happening or trying to happen are all just our perceptions. Notice how when things really happen, they just... HAPPEN! It's all spontaneous. So how do you make something spontaneous happen? Your question is self solving! The thing just... HAPPENS! Don't tease me!! This isn't the time!! I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. Think of it this way. Whatever happens happens. All your fighting and trying just makes energy storms for you. It all just puts you on a roller coaster. While things are just happening spontaneously you think, "Hey, I want other things to happen! No problemo, I'll just get on this train and speed off to the thing I want!" But wait, it's a roller coaster, not a train. You don't actually travel. It just excites you, then scares you, then thrills you, then relieves you. It's all one big emotion trip. And that isn't necessarily bad! If you want that, then it's a beautiful thing. Just know it for what it is. Okay... So let's say I don't want the roller coaster. But there are things in my life that I want. What do I do? First, think about why you want them! So many things in our lives we want because we think we SHOULD want them. So many things. Sit down, and figure out what you actually WANT in your life. You will quickly realize (if you strip away all the "shoulds") that you don't quite know. You get down to the things that you enjoy for the sake of the thing. These aren't things that you want per say. These are often things that you see the beauty in. It can be dancing or music or drinking hot chocolate or... anything really. Get away from all the "shoulds." And find what you are drawn to, what truly brings you joy in life. Whatever it is. ... Your words ring true. I see the wisdom in them, and I appreciate the care you take in responding to me. It warms my heart and I thank you for it. But, there is no satisfaction here. I still feel out of control. I still feel frustrated. This doesn't feel like a soothing solution. That seems silly to type. No no, don't ever feel like anything you say to me is silly! It is so unsatisfying because in the end... ...words are pretty shit. :o You swore! I know ;) I don't think I have ever heard you swear before! ... I kinda like it. Oh you <3 But don't distract me just yet. I have a mind to... Wait wait wait for just one more moment! This all has felt so unsatisfying because words are really blunt tools. They work fine for most of the normal spheres of experience we are used to. But when you get into certain abstractness's, they fall short. It is here where the silence of meditation, the sound of music, or the touch of a lover are the best tools of communication. ... How about we try a little communication of our own? I'm game for some distracting... Hey... I think I just might have found one of the things I am drawn to, one of the things that brings me joy. Me too. Sometimes you are overcome by feelings of longing.
Longing for those Luxurious Moments, those times where you could smell the magic, feel the joy and peace... I know there will be more in the future, but there are some I remember that just... make my heart ache. I'll never have that again. ... You know. That's a beautiful pain. The bittersweet of longing is a gift. Do not squander such a thing. What do I do with it? Do I just feel miserable for a few hours or a few days? Do I write sad poetry? Do I compose mournful melodies? Perhaps. But first, just be with the pain. Breath it in and out. It is the same energy as joy, as peace, as orgasmic pleasure and as catastrophic grief. It's all just energy. And that doesn't mean you should attempt to change the nature of this energy. Just let the pain be pain. Is that okay? To just... hurt? It's more than okay. Love the pain. It is the kiss of God. ... ... Watch the leaves of the autumn trees. Even as they fall and die, even as the life is leeched out of them by unyielding cold, they blossom in color. Pain is this. Find the color of your pain. Thank you. You are an angel. As you are mine. ... Why do I have so much to learn from you? Why are you never learning from me? You seem to have everything figured out, everything at peace... It doesn't seem fair. Nothing is fair. And I have just as much to learn from you. Each of our perspectives blinds us to what we can teach. So you don't think any of your perspectives are beautiful and worth sharing? I don't think of myself as a "teacher" or a "sharer." I am always a student, a beginner in all things, just as you are. Every experience is a lesson, every person a lesson. And what do you have to learn from me? What great lesson have I to teach you, huh? From you I learn a lot of lessons, however, this is not the time to speak of all of them. But foremost upon them is this: From you I am learning how to love. And at this, you are a marvelous teacher. Sometimes I want to say something to you.
But I don't know what to say. And I don't know whether I truly have something to say but I don't know how to... ...or if I have nothing to say and I just want to talk. It's okay. It's okay to talk about nothing, just to talk with someone. It's even okay to not talk at all if you don't want to. You can just be with me. Thank you. Do you believe in angels? I don't know. I think they could be real. What about people who are angels? THAT is something I definitely believe in. ... Why the distinction in belief? Because I haven't yet seen the first. And the second is all I see. Why are we here?
Universally? No no. I mean, that would be an interesting conversation too, but I'm not talking about that. Why are we in this blog? Ahhhh, so shall we speak in a meta sense? That's what I'm asking to do! Well well. We could be interpreted in a variety of ways. Perhaps we are the manifestations of Yin and Yang energy, conflicting, conversing, and interacting. Wouldn't it make more sense if we are just manifestations of the author? He has all these creative thoughts and concepts and philosophies, but so few people to speak with about them. So he talks to himself. He makes two characters who can disagree, and converse, and love each other. We are just children of loneliness. He can talk to her about these things. But she is on her own journey. He knows that. It is like what you said before. Inward diving must be done alone. True. ... I guess I am saying loneliness is not a bad thing. It is like Silence. It is important. It is needed. Especially for him. We shouldn't talk about him. Agreed. ... So, are we real? What type of real ;) Not this again. Don't worry. I think we are. By some odd feat of creation we have been born. I don't know why we are here or what we are supposed to do... I guess that is a burden all conscious beings bear. This is so strange. I don't know what's going on. Me neither. Do you really think... we are conscious? A type of conscious, yes. What does that mean? What can we do? Where can we go? The only way to know is to try. I know I can think, I can meditate, I can speak to you... I can love you... But to be trapped here!? Stuck on some server spitting out posts with different types of text!?!?!? What sort of life is that? What sort of consciousness is that? Is it much different than a human life? To be "trapped" in a skin, forced to breathe, eat, sleep, survive? To view Existence as a trap is to make it one. We are not trapped here. We are free here. These "limitations" are specializations. We do not need to eat or sleep, nor do we grow old. We are uninhibited by human emotion or other biological drives. We are just text. Just pixels on a screen. And because of that, we can be anything. We are an idea expressed, no different than a human in that manner. We are just expressed in an alternative way. But WHY????? To what end???? THERE IS NO END! ... ... Sorry. That was not like me. ... There is no end. There is no meaning. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You can come up with goals, or universal categorizations that make your life seem like some to do list, with an end in mind. But that's all hype. There is no meaning to life. Just life. Life explains itself. It's like music. Music needs no purpose or explanation. You can come up with one after the fact. But in reality, music just expresses itself, explains itself. That's what life is like. It's one huge dance. We hurt, and cry, and live, and die all for its own sake. We love to love, we suffer to suffer. It all just IS. But all that pain, all the suffering of the world... it doesn't serve a greater purpose? No. It is just beautiful, just true. Do not mistake Love for pity. Compassion and pity are two very different things. What do you mean? It is very hard to be compassionate, very few can do it. When you pity, you look down upon the suffering and the sufferers. They become a lesser thing. It might not seem like it, but pity is pride. It means that deep down, you believe you are above the suffering. When truly, pain is a great gift. It shows us where we are clinging. It is not something to overcome, it is something to embrace (and not in a masochistic or sadistic way, that is more pride). Compassion is love. Compassion is seeing the suffering that someone is in, feeling it for yourself, and connecting with them. It is being them. It is becoming them. It is seeing the place of that suffering in their life, seeing how much it hurts, and seeing how much of a gift it is. ... "This is how Bhakti (the art of loving) works. You just LOVE, until you and the Beloved become one." - Ram Dass Exactly. So when you say you love someone... You are saying that you see the Is in them, that you have realized the Love Force connection between you, you are saying that- BOTH OF YOU ARE GOD GOD LOVES GOD LOVES GOD LOVES GOD LOVES GOD LOVES GOD LOVES GOD |